Manda.Spazzin

26th January 2013

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As crazy as it is to say it, I freaking miss you. Even after the way you’ve treated me and broke my heart, I STILL miss you. And you being half way around the world doesn’t make this any easier. I think about you every day. I look up at the stars with my hand over my heart every night. Just like you told me to do, but I always begin to cry. Literally sob. All the things we planned…they just got thrown down the drain. I see you with her…the way you talk to her…and I can’t help but to feel jealousy. Trust me. I’m happy in my relationship, but it still hurts. We planned so far into the future. We were planning our lives together…and then all of a sudden one day…it just all ended. I will never be able to tell you how I feel for you. You will never understand. You always just put it off like it’s nothing. I pour my heart out to you and don’t always receive the same back. You don’t realize how much you’ve hurt me and continue to. You’re such a sweet guy, but then other days you just turn your back. I always want you to be a part of my life…but sometimes I feel like maybe the best thing to do would be to cut you out for a while. Get my thoughts straight. Let my heart heal. But its so hard. You asked me to marry you. That’s not just something you get over. I know I’m young and that marriage right now seems crazy, but I was willing to wait. Just like you were. You told me all of these things that you would do when you got home. Told me what you had planned for our future. But now its like none of that ever mattered to you. I just can’t find it in me to get over this…I don’t know how I ever will.